People keep telling me that things will get better, and that everything happens for a reason, but no matter how hard I try to not think about you, or to figure out what that reason might be, I can’t think of any way that I will miss you less, or that your leaving me has a good reason. I know you think it’s creepy of my to look at pictures of you and of us on Facebook, but since I can’t talk to you, that’s my only way of connecting with you. There are so many photos of us, stretching back for years and encompassing so many different occasions, that when I was looking at pictures of you the other night I started sobbing. I even miss all of your friends, because when I lost you, I also lost half of my social circle or more, with no warning or chance to say goodbye.
I know that you don’t want to talk to me at all, but I don’t understand where this dislike and annoyance that borders on hatred is coming from. Three weeks before you decided you were moving out, you were showing me what gemstones you like at the Denver Museum. Why would you do that if you weren’t interested in even staying with me, let alone marrying me? That is probably the biggest mixed message I have ever recieved. I also don’t understand why you left the week before Christmas. I understand your point that there is always a reason not to break up, but a week before Christmas is about the worst timing one could ever have.
I don’t want to chastise you though. I miss you so much, and I hope for the chance to give you these letters someday. I also hope that you miss me on some level, and I hope against hope that you showed me those gemstones because part of you really did want to marry me, and maybe that part of you still will someday.