02/10/2012

Marnie,

I wish I could read your mind. Then I could tell if it was worth for you to blow up the life we built together the way that you did. Maybe it was. If so, then I don’t bear you any ill will except for your reluctance to help me out with the legal stuff. If it wasn’t worth it, then do you regret, or would you do it the same all over again.  I don’t say that you blew up our life together to condemn you, or to exaggerate, because that is quite literally what happened. We had a life and a routine, and if you weren’t happy in it, then I accept for the blame for that, but the way that you ended things was life shattering  and much more drastic than I believe it needed to be.

I’m struggling to understand why you feel the need to move on without looking back as strongly as you do?  Was life with me that terrible?  Or do you still think that I cheated on you?  I guess what’s hardest is that I just can’t understand why you are as angry with me as you seem to be.  And you seem to be incredibly angry with me. Otherwise, why would you want such a complete separation, where we never speak again and where you don’t help me or think about me at all?  Are you hurting, and do you feel guilty, or are you mad at me? I hope that you aren’t angry at me, but I feel like I’ll never know. 

I hope that for you, ending things was worth it.  I really hope that you don’t regret your decision, because otherwise all of this pain and trouble happened for absolutely no reason at all. If you are happy, or if you think that ending our relationship was worth it, then it isn’t all worthless. Things could have, and should have gone better, but it wasn’t just a reckless abandonment of a good thing. I guess I don’t know which I hope it should be, but, more than anything else, I hope you are happy going forward, and I’m sad that you didn’t think that could happen with me.

I still love you,

Dav

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