Hola Marnie Bear,
I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. People say that you move on from somebody with time, others say it happens with life experiences, but neither of these seems to be helping me. Everything I see and hear reminds me of you, and it makes me sad all of the time. I was watching Deep Impact last night, which is one of the two movies that came out about comets and/or asteroids hitting the earth, and at the end of the movie, when everyone is trying to be with the person/people they love before the end, it made me really sad that I don’t have you to share the end with, or to share life and it’s many experiences (both good and bad) with.
I’ve gone on a few dates lately hoping that they might help me move on, but all I can think about during the dates is how much I miss you. Whenever I look at another woman’s face, the only thing I can think is how much more beautiful your face is than any other female I see, and during each of my dates I’ve found the conversations to be forced and awkward, and I miss how easy it was to be around you, and how much fun we always had together. Even our first date wasn’t awkward, and we didn’t have any problem finding things to talk about until 3 or 4 am.
Have you gone on any dates yet? I remember that you said that one of the reasons why you wanted to break up is because you wanted to date other guys to see how they compared to me and to see how your interactions with them compared to your interactions with me. Have you done that yet? Do you still want to do that?
I’ve also had a hard time lately when I see little kids, because now that you’re gone, I want children so badly you can’t even guess, and every time I see a cute little kid I imagine what it would have been like to have kids with you, and I can picture how cute and funny and sweet our little kids would have been. It makes me feel sad, regretful, and melancholy all at the same time whenever I think about that. And it makes me sad when I realize that I’ll never have kids now because I won’t ever find somebody who I love like I love you, and if I can’t find that, then I don’t want to have kids with a back-up choice.
I miss you greatly, and I hope that you are happy and doing well Monkey.