I texted you the other night because I miss you so much it hurts, but I texted you a selfish message. I told you that I miss you, and that’s true, but I given one thing I could tell you, I should have used my message to apologize instead. I’m sorry about that Monkey. I am sorry for playing the suicide card and saddling you with that burden. That is the most selfish thing I could have ever done, and I wish I could convey to you how sorry I am. I love you more than anything, and I miss you more than anything, and the last thing I would ever want is to hurt you. I know that my actions hurt you very much too, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that. I don’t even care about the legal problems. I was the one who was completely in the wrong for everything that was ever an issue with us, and I would take you back in a second and defend you until my last breath to my friends and family, because I know that I am the one who wronged you, and not the reverse.
I really like this poem, and it’s what I think of when I think of how much I miss you. In spite of my pretensions otherwise, I’m not a writer, and I’m not very good with truly expressing myself with my words, so I find it useful to use the words of others to convey my feelings. It’s not that I’m trying to show off or look smart, it just does a better job of showing what’s in my heart.
Listen to the story told by the reed,
of being separated.
“Since I was cut from the reedbed,
I have made this crying sound.
Anyone apart from someone he loves
understands what I say.
Anyone pulled from a source
longs to go back.
I love you Monkey, and I miss you now more than ever.