03/13/2012

Hey Monkey,

I’ve been pretty bad about writing you letters lately, and I’m sorry about that.  I’m just trying to keep myself really busy in order to avoid thinking about you all the time, because whenever I do so, I get sad because I miss you so much.  Everything I do still reminds me of you and of all the things we used to do together.  There are a lot of things I miss about you that some people could chalk off to my nostalgia for being in a relationship, like sex and not being alone, but I miss so much more about you than those superficial things. I miss your companionship, and not because I’m lonely and want to be around somebody, but because I miss what we had together. Things were never awkward between us (except in fights, and that doesn’t count), and we were never bored with each other.  Or at least I was never bored with you.  I could do anything, and I could do it for hours with you without tiring. 

I read an article today about 9 secrets to a happy marriage, and several of the secrets involved things that we did all the time. We used terms of endearment all the time, and it wasn’t fake when we did so.  We also did stuff together all the time.  We were that couple that was “laughing in the corner of some dusky Chinese restaurant.” We also gave each other gifts, without any hidden agenda.  I miss all of that and more so much that you can’t even begin to guess at how hard it is to be without you.  I don’t know if you are missing me at all or not, so maybe you can guess, but I don’t think you do miss me, so it’s probably not a feeling that you are familiar with.  I don’t think that you don’t miss me because you are cruel, I just remember when you told me that you were only in the relationship because you were afraid that I would do something to myself if you left (which wasn’t an unfounded fear), and that I kept you in the relationship only through that fear (which isn’t far off from what I tried to do).  Again, I’m so sorry about that, and I’m sorry I kept you in a relationship that made you unhappy for so long.  The fact that you stayed in the relationship for my sake shows how amazing and selfless and caring you are, and it’s a testimony to your worth as a person, as well as an indictment of my flaws for trying to manipulate that kindness and generosity for my own purposes.

Anyways, I’m rambling, but I miss you, and I miss what we had, and I hope that you are doing well, and that you are happy, and that sometimes you think about a memory of us and it gives you some pleasure, or at least makes you smile when you think about it.

I love you,

Davin

 

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