03/16/2012

Marnie,

Lately I’ve been slowly realizing that you will never want to talk to me again or have any contact with me.  I know it’s probably weird and creepy that it’s taken me so long to get that message through my thick head, and I’m sorry about that.  I will always love you, and I will never forgive myself for how badly I messed things up that night.  If I had acted normally instead of like a complete psycho, it’s possible that you would still want to have me in your life at some point, but after what you saw that night, I don’t blame you for never wanting anything to do with me ever again. 

That thought saddens me immensely, but unlike in previous letters, I now realize that you probably don’t think you have any other choice for your own health and sanity, and so I don’t hold it against you and think you are a cruel person for not wanting to see me or talk to me.  I want you to be happy, and I see that having me in your life does neither.  I only wish I could see you one last time to apologize for making your life so hard and for making you so unhappy. 

I hope you are finding happiness now, and that you are enjoying your life and your friends and family in a way that you never felt you could when we were together. I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry that I took away almost five years of time that you would have been better off spending with your family and your friends.  I hope that you find a kind and amazing man who will put you at the center of his universe, and who will put you before him in a way that I was really terrible at doing.  I hope that you can find a guy like that soon, so that you two can have beautiful children together and you can build the life you’ve always wanted. And I’m sorry that I’ve caused that dream to be deferred for so long, and that I’ve put it at risk of ever happening because of how much time I made you waste with me. 

You deserve better than me, and I’m thankful that I was lucky enough to have you in my life for as long as I did.  Ever time I see a photo of you or picture you in my head I am struck by how gorgeous you are, and when I think of all of the kind and decent things you always did for me and others, I’m reminded of how beautiful your spirit and personality were as well. 

Regardless of what happens to me, I want you to know that I want nothing but the best for you.  And I truly think that that includes removing me from you life. So I want you to know that I don’t blame you for that, and that I’m very happy that you took the steps that you needed to take in order to pursue you dreams and the happiness that you deserve.

Love,

Davin

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