03/30/2012

Hey Monkey,

I’m so lonely without you in my life.  Ever since we broke up, people keep telling me that you have to be okay with  and love yourself in order to be happy, and, while that’s true, they always say it like if you love yourself, you will never be lonely. Ever.  I don’t really believe that.  I don’t know if you are ever lonely in your new apartment, missing me, but I think you probably don’t.  You have a lot of friends and a close relationship with your family, and I was never as important as them anyways.  You may or may not be dating anyone new yet, but if you haven’t started to, you soon will.  I’ve started dating a few people who I met on a dating site, but it’s only because I’m lonely, and I compare all of them to you.  And they all come up way short of everything about you.  You were and still are amazing, and I think that’s a big part of why I’m so sad about losing you too; because I know I’ll never find somebody even half as good as you are.

You also probably don’t regret breaking up with me in any way, primarily because of the way I acted when I last saw you.  More than anything, I think that my actions probably validated your decision to leave me, and made it seem like leaving was the smart decision.  It probably was, but it doesn’t change how much I miss you, and it doesn’t do anything to shrink the size of the void that you’ve left within me.  But I realize that if I really love you (which I do), that it’s probably best for you if I let you go and never talk to you again.  Then you can get away from me and my craziness with a clean break.  I don’t think I am very good for you, and I want you to be happy, and it seems like I primarily made you unhappy.  I feel like Kanye West in that song Runaway, where he says “Baby I got a plan, runaway as fast as you can.”  That’s what it feels like you did, and you are probably smart for doing so.

I hope you also believe that you made the right decision, and that you are doing better, and are much happier, than you were with me.  I’m sorry I wasted so much of your time, and I really hope that I didn’t cause you to miss the window for getting married and having babies.  You will be an amazing wife and mother someday if you have the chance to do so.  The world will be worse off, and some lucky guy will miss out, if that never happens.

I love you and miss you,

Davin

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