I went to a funeral today for the nephew of one of my co-workers. He was seventeen, and he was killed in a car crash during a freak April snowstorm.  I was struck by two things at the funeral.  The first, and most obvious, was that I saw how much pain and sadness his death caused, and his was an accidental death.  I can only imagine how much pain and sadness a suicide would cause, even for someone like you who may or may not have loved me.  Just putting that burden on your shoulders is bad enough, and I’m sorry that I even considered doing that to you. 

The second thing that I noticed during the funeral was how much all of the aunts and uncles loved their nephew, and I finally, after five years, had more sympathy and understanding towards how you feel towards your nephews.  I’m sorry that I was constantly judging your relationship with them and making you feel weird for loving them and caring about them.  If anything, I am the one who was weird for not having built a closer relationship to Korbin and Jonah after being with you for five years.  I’m sorry that I didn’t do that, as I think that Korbin is a smart and kind kid who would make a great nephew.  I feel like if I had been less judgemental about your relationship with your nephews and your family, that I would have had the opportunity to be Korbin’s uncle (as well as Jonah and William and Sam), and, if I had only been more open to loving them when I was with you, I’m pretty sure I would have realized how rewarding that love can be. It didn’t have to be something that annoyed and bothered me, and I’m sorry that I acted as such so often in our relationship.



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