04/18/2012

Marnie,

So many people are so alone in this life, and they are desperate to find a partner who they can undertake life’s journey with.  Everyday I see people who are with partners who seem completely incompatible for them, but they stay together, in my opinion because they are afraid of the loneliness that awaits them without that person.  I see many more people who have had so many failed marriages and relationships that it makes one wonder why, and how, they can continue trying for happiness when they have so much heartbreak and sadness that is accumulated inside of them. It’s actually kind of heroic to see them trying, because it means that love, or the idea of love, is so important to them that they are willing to risk everything in order to find it.

I know you were unhappy with me for a while, but I don’t know if you were just being overly picky, or if you stayed with me for as long as you did because you were worried about me, or if you were afraid of what your life would be like without a partner. Maybe you were afraid of being alone.  Maybe I was afraid of being alone, and that’s why I put up with all of the arguments about manners and your family, as well as with all of the times you ditched me to be with your family.  Maybe that’s also why I was willing to take a backseat in your life priorities to your family, and why I was willing to put up with so much emotional abuse.  Maybe that’s also why this break-up has been so devastating to me, because once you left it meant that I was adrift in the world without a partner to help me on my journey.

I do know that regardless of why I felt the way I did, my feelings for you were genuine. You were the best partner that I could imagine in terms of finding a mate and a fellow traveler to help me navigate the loneliness of modern life.  You were my best friend, and I was never bored with your company or short of ideas of things to do and say.  I think that that is why it was so hard for me when you would leave me, because I felt so happy and fulfilled when you were around that I didn’t want you to leave.

I know that it’s unwise and foolish to invest so much happiness in one single person, but it was hard not to when I looked at us and saw how well we worked together as friends, and how much we comforted each other against the winds and buffers of the outside world. I miss that, and I miss you.

Always,

Davin

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