I happened upon your dating profile on OkCupid yesterday, and it was the worst thing that’s happened to me in months. I can’t believe how dishonest you are (and you would frequently get on my case about lying). So much of your profile is clearly written in response to your experiences with me, and most of it is very negative in terms of how you feel about your time with me.
You say that “you should message me if you have your shit together; I leave my counseling job at school:)”. What the hell does that mean, if it isn’t that you think I was so fucked in the head that you were acting as my counselor all of the time. If you really were acting as my counselor, then you must be the worst counselor ever, because all you did was verbally abuse me, ignore what I wanted in favor of satisfying every single one of your desires, and drive me to a suicidal depression, after which you left me to kill myself and lied to the police, which led to my arrest and criminal prosecution over things that never actually happened and which were never a threat to you.
You also say that you could never date someone who is really quiet, which is a direct allusion to me, who you dated for five years. That must have been horrible if you could never do that again. You also say that “I DEFINITELY am seeking someone who is generally “glass half full” about life,” which is clearly a dig at me and the attitude you always thought I had. The absolute worst question and answer is your answer to the question of whether or not you would be okay with your significant other spending a lot of time with one of his/her exes (as a friend). You response was “People don’t seem to know how to break up these days! It’s okay to part ways and be grateful they were in your life for a time.” Are you fucking serious? There is no way that you truly believe that your method of breaking up with me was an example that should be followed by others. If anything, the way you broke up with me, by dumping me two weeks before Christmas and less than a month after showing me engagement stones you liked, and then by refusing to help me with the legal mess that you KNOW is unfair and ridiculous, is the example of how one should never break up, or in other words, the perfect example of the worst way to break up possible.
Are you really saying that people don’t know how to break up, and implying that you do? That is so absurd, and so untruthful. Even minor things in your profile are also very untruthful, and even blatantly dishonest, like saying that you “love to hike, run, and -wait for it – ski! My ass you “love” to ski. You never skied until I taught you how, and I had to convince you to do it. You also don’t “love” to hike, since you almost never went with me for more than short walks in our entire five year relationship. And you definitely don’t “love” to run, since you always complained about me when I tried to get you to run with me, and you almost never ran for most of our relationship until we moved to Boulder and you ran the Bolder Boulder. You also answered that you can run “a mile – and more!” as if you can easily pound out a four or five mile run. Bullshit. You can barely run two to three miles at a super slow pace, and you could only do that because I pushed you to do it (and you complained about how pushy I was the entire time!) Nice job taking credit for something you never did on your own, and never would, and nice job lying about things that are completely dishonest.
Finding your profile also sucked because it reminded me how I will never be able to trust a woman again. In the future, I will never be able to trust that a woman won’t one day snap and screw me over in the same way that you screwed me over when you screamed to draw attention to us like I was going to murder you, even though I never raised my voice or threatened you in any way. I will never believe that I can meet a woman who won’t one day decide to call the police because “I raised my voice and she felt threatened” or something equally ridiculous. So congratulations, you won. I will never marry or have children.
On a smaller scale, finding your profile also sucked because it means that I have to quit that dating site, and any other dating site that you might be on, regardless of whether or not I was on there first (which I was with OkCupid). So I can’t even casually date either. Thanks, bitch!