Hey Marnie,

I think I have a clearer idea of why you left me, and I’m beginning to see that many women would have done the same as you did.  In addition to being pretty selfish and controlling when we were together, I was also very clingy and needy.  My actions on the night you decided to leave me are very clear proof of that.  As I’ve been re-entering the dating scene, more than one woman has expressed a very clear interest in me, only to very quickly retreat from me and indicate in obvious but implicit ways that they no longer want to have anything to do with me.  They have done this by telling me things like “I’m just not ready to be in a relationship or date right now, but I like you and when I’m in a better place I’ll get back to you” or “I just need more space right now, but I wish you the best.” None of them are mean or cruel or insulting in their messages to me, but they are clear in their desire to communicate that they no longer want anything to do with me.  I believe them when they say that they like me initially, so I can only assume that I came on either too strong or too often, and caused them to pull away out of a dislike or a fear of being smothered, or because I seemed clingy to them. 

If I came across this way to people who I only just met, and who I didn’t really talk to that often, then I can finally start to understand how you felt when I would complain and criticize you for doing things without me like go to church or hang out with your friends or family.  I’m very sorry for being that way.  It’s clearly a fault that lies with me, and not with you, and it’s obviously a turn off to a lot of women, and not just you. I’m also very sorry for masking this neediness and insecurity towards being alone behind the criticisms that I levelled at you for doing things like hanging out with your family and going to church without me.  You are the one who approached those things, and life in general, in a health manner, and I was the one who did not.

The more that I look back on our relationship and see the things that I did wrong, the more I can’t fault you for deciding to leave it.  I still don’t think that the legal stuff that is happening is fair, but I can’t in good conscience or in any honesty blame you for deciding to leave me.  Objectively, it was probably the right decision, and any woman with any sense or intelligence would have probably would have done the same thing.

Immediately after you left me, I was telling myself and my friends that your reasons weren’t valid or realistic, and that you wouldn’t ever find the type of guy or relationship that you were looking for, but I see now that those were things that I was telling myself to feel better about being left, and not because they were in any way true.  You will probably have a very easy time finding somebody who is more independent and less clingy, and who will let you spend time with your friends and family and doing things that are important to you without feeling threatened.  I’m willing to bet that the vast majority of guys out there are more independent and self confident than I was, and as a result any relationship you have with any one of these men is apt to be a healthier and happier one.

I’m sorry that I made you feel guilty for thinking of leaving me, and that I kept you with me and my unhealthy and abnormal neediness for so long. I wish I could do something to make it up to you.


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