Hey Marnie,
I’ve been dating a little bit for the past few months, and I’ve realized a number of things about our relationship in the process, and through my interactions with other women. Primarily I’ve been better able to see how unfairly critical and judgemental I was of you, and I can better appreciate how frustrating it must have been for you to feel like I was constantly criticizing you by either telling you what I would rather have you be like or do, or by complaining about things like the frequency of your exercise habits or the quality of our sex. I’m really sorry about all of that.
Since I’ve been dating, I’ve had multiple people comment on or criticize how I am intimate, or my soul patch, or how I show affection, or how private I am, or how often I talk about you, and all of it makes me feel small and defective, so I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for you to put up with almost five years of my criticisms and commentary. No wonder you left. You must have felt so small and tired after such a long time spent with me that you were always exhausted. You were a kind an amazing person, and you tried so many times to get me to let loose and goof off and be happy with you, and I always shot you down. I always acted annoyed with you or stressed about school or job prospects, and I rarely learned how to let go and enjoy the moment with you. That was something that you excelled at, and even though you tried to teach me how to do the same, I never let your lessons take hold. If I had, I think I would have been a lot happier, and a lot more fun, and I almost certainly would have had a much easier time making new friends.
I can see why you always felt anxious when you heard my car alarm beep, signalling that I would be coming back home and that I would probably be critical of something you had either done or not done. I never let the little things like peanut butter on a knife or hair in a drain go, and instead I always commented on them. I’m very sorry for all of that. You must feel so much freer and more relieved now that you have rid yourself of the tyranny of my criticism and my opinions, and I hope that you are much, much happier as a result. I’m sorry for keeping that yoke around you for so long.
Sincerely,
Davin
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